I thought I'd know if I was old

I'm a motor-mouth. That I know. I tell myself its charming and endearing in an attempt of self-preservation, but even that I don't know for sure. Its probably annoying and obnoxious. When I first started dating Stan he'd cover my mouth when I was talking too much. It annoyed the hell out of me...I still think its rude...but just every once in awhile I wish someone would tell me when to shut up.

Its odd getting older, I thought things would be clearer and make more sense; but, the only thing I'm sure of is one of my (bad?) habits. I think the most confusing thing about getting older, is knowing IF you're old. Sometimes I look at people and think they're my age, when it turns out they're really about 15 years younger...they likely look at me like their mother. Then I talk to people that I KNOW are 10 - 15 years older than myself and think, oh, we're about the same age. I know its been said a million times over that age is just a number, but is it? It certainly isn't when you're a kid and grown-ups are OLD, but when does that stop? When you're old? Do I know I'm old because I think age is just a number? One of the cons of permanent verbal diarrhea is it makes me feel like a child. At my age shouldn't I have control of the sheer volume of words that come out of my mouth? In most cases (unfortunately, not ALL) I feel like I have some power of WHAT comes out of my mouth, but I always have something to say.

I love talking to everyone. Except most fellow elementary teachers. I feel like they always try to be such "grown-ups". Unfortunately, it makes me want to act like a kid. I refuse to ACT old, even if I AM old. I don't know if that makes me immature but I certainly feel like it earns me less respect, as though relating to kids makes you a kid. Until I became a teacher I thought relating to people of all ages was a good thing, but apparently I'm supposed to understand them, just not connect with them. Working with people who all picked the same career you'd think there'd be more similarities but in most cases I feel like I'm from another planet.

Well, enough said, I'll shut myself up this time....does that mean I'm developing some control? Does that make me old? Is old the same as mature? Can you be a motor-mouth and mature at the same time? hmm...